The Power of Giving Back

Hello Beauties!

Giving back to others who may be less fortunate than us is important all year, but it is especially important around the holidays. While we are out buying that new hot too expensive toy for our kids and throwing down bucks for a tree and decorations, others may be worrying about how they are going to keep a roof over their heads or how they are going to stay warm in this winter weather.

Now me, I have a soft spot for the kids. A cute kid will make my biological clock wake up and ring with persistence. I think it's in cahoots with my mom so that I'll start making her some grandkids to spoil. Mmmhmm. I'm on to you mom. O_o. Anyways, I've decided to combine two of my loves (kids and community service) this season and bring you some holiday charities working to make the holiday season better for children in need.

Toys For Tots is probably one of, if not the biggest childrens holiday organization in the country. Started in 1947 by members of the United States Marines, Toys For Tots has distributed over 400 million toys to more than 188 million kids to date. Check out http://www.toysfortots.com/ for more information and to donate.


Angel Wish is a relatively new charity who specifically grants wishes for children living with HIV/AIDS. The charity began in 1999: "Angelwish achieves its mission by ensuring that 100% of individual donations are used for program services and that those funds are extended, where possible, to incorporate an educational component giving young people a hands on lesson in philanthropy." Donations are made either by make a cash donation or you can check out their wish list they have set up on amazon.com check out http://www.angelwish.org/ for more information.

A charity that I didn't know existed but now want to volunteer with, is Pajama Program. Pajama Program provides pajamas and books to children around the world, many of whom are waiting to be adopted. There are chapters all over the US and abroad. To donate, go to http://www.pajamaprogram.org/. (Warning: I lost all my gangsta when I clicked on to this website. Grab a box of tissue before logging on).

Last but certainly not least is My Two Front Teeth and here's how they work: First they choose organizations who serve underpriviledged kids. They then have the kids create a holiday card, and on the back of the card is their holiday wish, which they choose from a catalog provided by My Two Front Teeth. Sponosors from around their communities can sponor a child (or more than one if they wish). They purchase the toy of the childs choice, its wrapped, and given to them before the holidays. More information can be found on http://www.mytwofrontteeth.org/.
Whatever you do for the holidays, try to take time out to give back, whether its for kids, for the homeless, or even visiting the elderly in a senior citizen home. Enjoy your holiday, and remember the most important things about the season: family, giving and love.

A Side-Eye to Jacksonville: My Adventure on World AIDS Day

Since December 1st was World AIDS Day, I thought it would be good to go ahead and get tested. Well, apparently Jacksonville had other ideas...

This morning I woke up, had a migraine but was excited to get some work done and get tested. I even called my job and told them I was going to be a little late to allow time to do everything because I already know the wheels turn slower than I'm used to here. I looked up a few clinics that could do testing today. This was probably number one.

While I am aware that these tests cost someone money even if I don't have to pay and the city is no where near eager to budget a lot for HIV testing, could we at least have consistent hours Jacksonville?? I mean, I promise one clinic I looked at was open: Monday and Tuesday from 10:30-12PM and 2PM-3PM and Thursday from 1-5 but only every first and third Thursday and then Friday on..some other weird hours. O_o. Can I get, you know, 8-12 Monday thru Wednesday or something? But, I found a women's health clinic about 20 minutes away that had consistent hours and set out on my way.

So, I get to the clinic which was relatively easy to find but was further away than the directions said plus there was traffic. But I really wanted to get tested so I thought, fine, I'll just be a little later than the original 30 minutes I told my supervisor I would be. I walk in and they tell me they don't do testing at that site anymore, and gave me an address to where the women's clinic had moved. This I don't blame on anyone, they could have possibly just moved or the website hasn't been updated. The address was on the same street, just a different building so I could deal with that right? Wrong....

A brief sidebar about the streets in Jacksonville. One street can run the length of the city, and Jacksonville is freaking huge. They also had this great (O_O) idea of naming cross streets similar names i.e. King St crosses King Rd, ect. Not to mention streets that just randomly end with no warning. It makes for a fun trip when trying to find an out of the way location. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

The street that both of these clinics are on is looooong. And the women's clinic just happened to move to the opposite end of this street. So I hopped my slightly less enthusiastic tail back in the car and fought the lunch time traffic back to the other end of the street.

I finally find my way to the clinic and walk in, glad I made it but now I'm an hour late for work. I ask the nurse if they do testing (at this point I wasn't trying to take chances). Yes, they did, she said, but you have to make an appointment (the website must have been inaccurate again, as it was listed for walk in appointments. Part of the reason I picked that particular clinic). I asked if I could make an appointment. No, I would have to call in and make an appointment. Also, if I didn't have insurance the test would be $20. I could try and find the Duval County Health Department testing bus, but I'd have to call and see where they were. She gave me the number (which turned out to be the wrong number), and a card to make an appointment at the same office I was standing in. By this time I was about an hour and a half late for work. While my job is understanding, I knew I'd still be getting a strong side eye for saying I was going to be 30 minutes late, only to turn around and show up almost two hours after my shift started.

Here's my point: a lot of women in my city that have to utilize these free clinics do not have a car or an understanding job like I do. So if they got up, struggled to catch public transportation and then after all of that were turned away, do you think they would make much of an effort to try again? The city bus only runs a route about once an hour. So if I got all the way to this clinic and you told me you couldn't test me, I'd have to wait another hour for the next bus to come. Not to mention that the point of coming to a free clinic is because you don't have insurance and probably don't have $20 to spare to take an HIV test.

In addition, a lot of these clinics have a limit as to how many people they will test on a certain day. So, you get on the bus, trek over to this clinic and find out they DO have free testing, but oh you're number 21 and they only test 20 people a day so you're out of luck. Again, how much effort are you going to put into trying to come back if you know chances are it's going to be a wasted trip?

City of Jacksonville, we have to do better. It feels like we are coming up short in providing care for those that want to be responsible, and by doing that, we are only discouraging those that might have gotten tested just because a more responsible peer did. To gain control over the HIV epidemic in Jacksonville, we have to take responsibility for ourselves, and help others who may not otherwise be able to help themselves. When 7500 people are diagnosed daily, testing 20 people a day is not enough.




I am willing to help in any way that I can. Are you?

Why I Rock the Red Pump

Hello Beauties!

As we know, today, December 1st is World AIDS day. In the years past, I never really gave much thought to this day. But this year, it holds more significance to me than ever. I recently joined the Red Pump Project (http://www.theredpumpproject.com/) which is an inititave helping to educated women and girls about the effects of HIV/AIDS.

The two women that started this movement, Luvvie and Karyn, are awesome, let me tell you. Even though I've never met them in person, I look up to both of them for the passion they show in educating and healing our community. The Red Pump Project was born in March 2009 in Chicago, IL. Since then, it has grown to include over 40 ambassadors in over 20 states. They've also started the Red Tie Project (http://www.theredtieproject/), an initiative striving to educate men and boys about HIV/AIDS.

In reading statistics before I actually reached out to Luvvie and Karyn, I felt a huge burden to make a difference. The millions and millions of people that are infected and dying from this disease is ridiculous. And, more importantly, preventable. However, I never would have known had I not done the research. It seemed to me, as I read over the information, that people thought HIV was a secret or a joke, especially in the african-american community. I emailed the contact on the Red Pump page and waited for a reply, already thinking about what I could bring to their organization.

Fast forward to about two weeks later. I received the news that a friend of mine was diagnosed with HIV. You know how a lot of people say they never thought it could be them? Well, I never thought it would be someone I knew either. Suddenly, worrying about bills seemed trivial. I was worrying about a close friend possibly not being here as long as I thought. It felt like someone had a tight grip on my heart and lungs.

So, when I got a reply back from Karyn a few days later, I was even more impassioned. When I'm doing research for this blog and for Red Pump, it's difficult not to worry if my friend will go through some of the same things I'm reading about. I worry, but I will never stop fighting for equality and awareness in my city and any other city I may travel to. So that is why I rock the red pump now, and forever.

And to my friend, I am awed every day by your stregnth and faith through everything. I love you.

World AIDS Day Posts From Fellow Red Pump Rockers!

The Red Pump Project: http://www.theredpumpproject.com/2009/12/world-aids-day-2009.html

Black is Breezie: http://blackisbreezie.blogspot.com/2009/12/red-pump-project.html

Awesomely Luvvie: http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2009/12/world-aids-day-is-21.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Luvvie+%28Awesomely+Luvvie%29

Luvv Divine: http://www.luvvdivine.com/2009/12/world-aids-day-2009.html

Afrobella: http://www.afrobella.com/2009/12/01/world-aids-day/

GOODness: http://goodeness.blogspot.com/2009/12/world-aids-day-2009.html

Blog For Sanity: http://iwillblogforsanity.squarespace.com/home/2009/12/1/world-aids-day-b-scott.html

Jitambue Leo

Hello Beauties!

Today, I want you to ask yourself a question: What is more important to you? Your image, or your health? Now think about your peers, both male and female. What’s more important to them? Their outward appearance or how they feel?

The reason I want everyone to ask themselves this question is because of an article I read today on a program in Kenya called “Jitambue Leo” which means “ know yourself. This is a program in which teams will go door to door, asking people if they would please go and get tested for HIV/AIDS. Their goal is to get 1 million people tested in the next three weeks.

Kenya has one of the highest HIV/AIDS rates in the world, with an estimated 7 to 8 percent of adults living with the disease. However, officials in Kenya state that those numbers are not accurate simply because a lot of adults refuse to be tested. In Kenya, simply being tested is a sign of sexual promiscuity.

That same mindset can be witnessed in the United States. And, like Kenya, too many people are spreading the disease and dying from it because they have not/will not get tested. So what do you think beauties? Do peoples’ perceptions of what it means to have HIV deter people from getting tested? How important is it for YOU to know, or to encourage others to know their status?

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8375127.stm

Kami, the HIV Positive Muppet

Hello Beauties!

Sesame Street, the longest running childrens program on US television is celebrating their anniversary on November 10th. This morning, on the news, they were talking about the many changes Sesame Street has gone through over the years and happened to mention a HIV positive muppet. I'd never heard of an HIV positive muppet, so I had to investigate.

Meet Kami. She is a character on Takalani Sesame, the South African version of Sesame Street. Kami was infected with HIV through a tainted blood transfusion as a baby. She is a happy girl with perpetutal sniffles, though she lost her mother to HIV/AIDS. Kami's purpose was to teach young viewers how to deal with sadness and loss in a way that they could understand.

Upon her introduction in 2002, many thought she would appear on the US version of the show. This sparked much opposition. Here is a statement from the Traditional Values Coalition:

The introduction of an HIV-infected Muppet on Sesame Street is problematic because HIV is spread primarily by homosexuals and bisexuals in the U.S. It is likely that an HIV-infected Muppet would be used to teach tolerance and acceptance of homosexuals to the preschool Sesame Street audience. In effect, this would be another propaganda tool to normalize homosexuality in our culture.

Ignorance. SMH. And this was not that long ago....2002! They missed the purpose of Kami's presence altogether. I am so glad to have learned about her. If I am blessed with children, they will defintely meet Kami and all the other Sesame Street characters. Hopefully, one day, the US will get over their fear and ignorance, and introduce Kami to american children.

To Sesame Street, Happy 40th birthday, and here's wishing many more years of your wonderful prorgram. To all, be blessed!

World AIDS Day

When I sat down to write this post for World AIDS day, I wasn’t sure about which direction I should go in. I could tell you that the first World AIDS day was December 1st, 1988. I could tell you that the CDC estimates that 1.1 million people in the US alone are living with HIV, and that an estimated 33 million are living with it worldwide. But does that really tell you why World AIDS day exists?

The fact of the matter is, though we can go and Google those statistics and study them for ourselves, we still do not take HIV/AIDS seriously. Most people with the disease will tell you, “I never thought it could be me.” But it can. Just ask one of the 7500 people who learn they have HIV every day. Ask the families and friends left behind from the staggering 25 million people that have died from the disease since the first known case in 1981. So what does it take for us to take the disease seriously? What will make us get up and get tested, and take responsibility for ourselves?

World AIDS day can be celebrated however you want to. But as for me, I am going to celebrate by being responsible. So I will go and get tested and I will encourage others to do the same. And I won’t be ashamed to be seen taking the test, because I’ll have one of the best defenses against HIV: knowledge.

Debunking the Myth of the "Down Low Man"

Hello Beauties!

For a long time, the common belief about the reason so many black women were being infected with HIV were because of "down low men." If you don't know what a down low man is, it's basically a man who secretly has sex with other men while simultaneously sleeping with unsuspecting women. They do not, however, identify themselves as gay or bisexual. Well recently, the CDC (Center for Disease Control) published a study stating that is NOT the case.

Dr. Kevin Fenton, Director of the National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention (whew!) was on NPR recently to discuss the CDC’s findings. Here is a link to the transcript from that interview: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114237523



Ladies, we have to be responsible for our own behavior. Before you decide to become intimate with anyone, you have to ask questions about his history. If you want to have sex without a condom, both of you need to get tested. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat, because if he gets angry, chances are he has something to hide or he isn’t worth it anyway. Let’s stop making exceptions for “love” because we are playing with our lives. Be safe, be loved, and be blessed!

Good For You Foods!

Hello Beauties!

Flu season is upon us and everyone is in an uproar trying to make sure they have their flu shot, are stocked up on vitamins, cold remedies, and warm clothing. But you know, if we ate a little healthier year round (and I’m guilty of not eating right myself), we would have to scramble for the meds and vitamins AFTER we were sick. So here are some great tasting good for you foods to keep stocked in your kitchen all year.

Milk: Calcium has always been the main selling point for milk. But, it’s also rich in protein (which builds and repairs body tissues), and Vitamin C (protects the immune system). The FDA recommends 3 cups of milk/dairy products per day. If you are allergic to regular milk, try soy or almond milk; however, be on the lookout for almond milk with added sweetener.

Chili Peppers: When you think chili pepper, you think HOT! However, chili pepper has this amazing lil ingredient called Capsaicin which cures like, everything. Really, it fights headaches, clears sinuses, and breaks down deposits on bones. It also is high in Vitamin A (which keeps your eyes, skin, and mucous membranes moist), and Vitamin C.

Onions & Garlic: Yes, they both make yo’ breath funky. Both are rich in Vitamin C, potassium, dietary fiber, and antioxidants. So keep them (and some breath mints) handy.

 

 
 
Yogurt: Did you know that when you take an anti-biotic, you kill the “good” bacteria as well as the bad? I didn’t. This is where yogurt comes in. It’s full of cultures or “good” bacteria that the digestive system needs to run…ahem…smoothly. It also contains Calcium (for strong bones and teeth), Magnesium (for a health heart, bones, and teeth), and Vitamins B-2 & B-12 (B-2 helps convert carbs. B-12 helps maintain healthy nerve cells and red blood cells).
 
 
 

 

 
 
Grapes: In short, grapes are awesome and are packed with Vitamins A, C, and B6; And also has Calcium and Potassium.
 
 

 

 
 
Lastly, I read up on the “miracle fruit” Acai. From what I read it’s good for just about everything from helping you lose weight to curing world hunger (not really). But seriously, the Acai berry is full of Vitamin B and protein, and the Omega-3 doesn’t hurt either. Supposedly, it’s been shown to promote restful sleep, fights aging and inflammation, protects against heart disease, and increases…libido? (O_o). Well, it has good stuff in it, so it can’t hurt. Just don’t expect it to act as the hand of God. :)

Deals at Sephora!

Hello Beauties!

So. It's the end of the month. You're running short on funds (or, if you're like me, you've been short since the beginning of the month), and you don't think you can take one more day of that annoying co-worker without beating him/her senseless saying something. It's past time for you to pamper yourself again.

I find pampering so important because as women, we often put ourselves last no matter what. Be honest, how many times have you felt like BLAH but your significant other/kid/friend asks you to do something and you do it because you're tired of looking at their sad a** face you feel bad for them? *Sigh* Me too...me too.

With that being said, I heard through the Twitter grapevine that Sephora was having a sale (*swoon!!!*) and went to their website to have a look. Now, they pretty much always have the free shipping, but they are also doing the promotion where if you order something, you get to pick 3 free gifts! Yess! *jumps for joy* Also, they have some pretty good items on sale. Check it out for yourself at http://www.sephora.com/. Here are some items that caught my eye:

Best of Sephora Set:

$97 value, originally $65, on sale for $55

Includes:

8oz  Purity made simple facial cleanser

2oz Hope in a Jar

8oz Amazing Grace Shampoo, Bath Gel, Shower Gel, and Body Emulsion

Decleor OOH La Spa-At home spa treatment kit

Originally $52, on sale for $30

Includes:

Aromatherapy facial kit that cleanses, exfoliates, masks, treats, and protects the skin, eyes, and lips with essential oils.

Ted Gibson Body 6-piece travel set

Originally $45, on sale for $29.45

Includes:

Three body "shampoos" and three body "conditioners" in scents such as rose & ginger, and grapefruit & honey.

Those are my picks! I realllly want that set with the body shampoos and conditioners *sad puppy eyes* What are your picks?

Oprah Winfrey's "The New Face Of AIDS"

Hello Beauties!

I came across Oprah's series on HIV today while avoiding work doing research and thought some of the things said were really good. I'm not going to post the whole thing here since it has a slideshow that goes with it, but I invite all of you to check it out. Be blessed!

"Yvette nearly lost her life due to AIDS-related illnesses. She hopes that women will take her message to heart and start protecting themselves from the virus. "It can happen to anyone," she says. "HIV does not discriminate. It doesn't care what color you are, what nationality, religion. If you have unprotected sex one time, you can become infected."" Read more: http://bit.ly/4aMDYK

Spotlight: Two That Fight Part 2

Hello beauties!

Once again, I want to introduce you to someone that is on the front lines fighting the fight against HIV/AIDS. Meet Reverend Stacey Latimer...

Stacey Latimer grew up in Laurens, South Carolina. He is the only son of a devout southern baptist family. As a child, he looked forward to church on Sunday, unlike most kids. The music spoke to him. As a youngster, he played gospel tunes on the family piano until his father had it shipped out, saying it was "unmanly." Young Stacey was crushed.

Even at an early age, Latimer noticed he was not like other boys. He suppresed his attraction his boys for a while, experimenting in private with men in high school while courting women publically. He went on to college at Atlanta University, joining a fraternity and establishing the first gospel choir on campus. He was outgoing and popular, but keeping his desires a secret took a toll on him. In 1983, he attempted suicide by swallowing all the pills in the medicine cabinet. While in recovery, he made a decision that shocked his family: he decided to join the Army. "I thought, I'm going to straighten this sexual thing out. I'm going to go through all this rigorous training and come out a man," he said in an interview with Poz magazine. However, in basic training, and throught his career, he witnesed other gay men sleeping with each other, and continued dating men himself privately.

In 1986, Stacey married a woman and remained faithful to her for the duration of his military service. In 1987, nine months after getting married, he received a letter from the Red Cross informing him that his recent donation had tested positive for HIV (his wife tested negative. They later seperated). He shared this information with his commanding officer, and was shipped to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C., where other HIV positive servicemen were housed. Latimer began counseling the critically ill AIDS patients, many of whom had been abandonded by family and friends. He continues to visit and minster to those soldiers today.

However, after a year or so of supporting those soldiers, he began to wonder how much more sickness and death he could witness. He also began to wonder about the response of the church. With so many churches on the streets of Washington, D.C, where were God's children? "I began to wonder if it was possible that I had spent most of my life as a part of something that did not practice what it preached," he said in the same interview. Latimer began self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. He soon left the Army and moved to Jacksonville, FL to pass what he thought would be his last days. Then, after a night filled with drugs, he found himself in tears on the bathroom floor, and God came through to him loud and clear. He suddenly realized that though he'd been given six months to live, he'd survived years since his diagnosis. He decided it was time to stop pitiying himself and get his life in order.

Stacey quit using drugs without rehab, and in 20 years of living with HIV, has never experienced a major illness. He credits his family for their support through his breakdown with drugs, as well as his HIV diagnosis.  He enlisted at the South Carolina Holmes Bible college and during this time, testifed about his HIV status and his relationships with men. He does openly date men now, but like many other black men who have sex with men, he does not identify with a gay culture, and does not call himself gay. Rather than identifying with a group, he would prefer to be identified as himself: Stacey. A child of God.

Taking Time to Recognize...

Hello Beauties!

As you can see (or if you can't see the picture) October 15th is National Latino Aids Awareness Day. October 15th, 2003 was the first NLAAD, in response to the devastating numbers of latino men and women who were contracting HIV/AIDS. On this day, every year, an effort is made to promote safe sexual practices in the latin community and encourage as many latinos as possible to get tested. Latinos in the US account for about 15% of the population, but account for about 24% of new HIV infections.

 I want everyone to check out the video on the official NLAAD website: http://www.nlaad.org/ There were SO many good things said on that video; it was truly inspirational for EVERYONE. Latino men and women, this is my challenge to you today: Go get tested...even if you already have and take at least one person with you. Just think about how many lives you could potentially help save.

 Know your status. Today, and everyday, encourage each other to be smart, to be safe, and to love. Be blessed!

Spotlight: Two That Fight Part 1

Hello Beauties!

Today is going to be part one of a two part post on two activists who are truly an inspiration. I hope you enjoy reading about them as much as I did!


Rae Lewis-Thornton is an AIDS activist and public speaker. She was born in Chicago to two heroin addicted parents, and was raised by an abusive grandmother from the age of three. Despite her circumstances, she attended Southern Illinois University, and graduated from Northeastern Illinois University in Chicago magna cum laude. While attending Southern Illinois University, she became active in politics, eventually leaving the school to move to Washington D.C. and work as Jesses Jackson's deputy national youth director during his first presidential run.

Rae had it all. She was young, successful, and had a great job that she was passionate about. Then things took a turn. In 1986, after donating blood due to a shortage in Virginia, Rae was told that she was HIV positive. She was stunned: she did not participate in high risk behavior, did not use drugs, and dated educated and respectable men. The minster she was seeing at the time, a minster, cursed her upon hearing the news and left, never to be heard from again.


For six years, she concentrated on work and tried to ignore her condition. She kept her status a secret from everyone, and for the most part, her life did not change besides the semi-annual visits to the doctor to keep track of her T cell count. However, in 1992, her T cell level dropped dramatically; she now had full blown AIDS. She began the task of telling her friends and family. The same year, a teacher at Bowen High School in Chicago asked her to come and talk to the students about living with AIDS. She had no experience in public speaking, but the effect was dramatic. Her candor about HIV and AIDS made students really listen to her message, and because of this, she realized she had a gift for getting through to these young people. She decided that speaking about AIDS to teens is what God had ordained for her. She was working as a political organizer at the time, but quit to speak full time. Her calendar was soon full of engagements at high schools and colleges around the country.

Rae is very blunt with her audiences: if they thought that just because they were straight, or well educated, or never used drugs, or didn't sleep around, they wouldn't contract AIDS, they were wrong. She herself was educated, straight, had never done drugs, did not sleep around and she still contracted it. She preached safe sex, and reminded her audience that they themselves were responsible for protecting themselves. As she said in an interview with Jet magazine, "People still don't know what AIDS looks like. The face of AIDS is not always a visible face." "Black heterosexuals, in particular, are not confronting the disease realistically," she stated in an interview with Ebony. "African-Americans are still living in some kind of dream world when it comes to AIDS."




At the same time that her story was reaching thousands, Ms. Lewis-Thornton's health was declining sharply. For example, a healthy person's T cell count is around a thousand, in 1996 hers was 8. She battled with pneumocystis pneumonia in '96-'97, a sign that her immune system was losing the ability to fight off infections. She began losing weight, going from her usual size 10 to a size 2. She began telling her audiences in the high schools she spoke at that by the time they reached college, she would be dead.
However, with new drugs becoming available as more was learned about the disease, her doctor put her on a new regimen of drugs, and she slowly began to improve. She became a minister, receiving license by Reverend Clay Evans in July 2000, and preached her first sermon at Fellowship Baptist Church in Chicago.
Today, Rae is busy working on her line of bracelets named the RLT Collection, and continues to speak out about HIV/AIDS in the black community. She is truly and inspiration to women all over, whether they are HIV positive or not.


You can stay up with Rae Lewis-Thornton's goings on on Twitter (twitter.com/raelt), Myspace (myspace.com/raelewisthornton) and Facebook.

 
 
Stay tuned for part 2, where we look at the life of Reverend Stacey Latimer, a HIV-positive minister who is open about his relationships with men. Be blessed!

First Coast AIDS Walk

If you are in the Jacksonville area, come out and walk with us!

Project Nefertiti Is Celebrating...

Hello Beauties!

Some of you know what today is. But, if you don't know, today is National Coming Out Day! For all of you that are looking like O_o "That ain't a real day," it tis, it tis. Let me tell you about it:

National Coming Out Day was founded on October 11, 1988 by Robert Eichberg and Jean O'Leary. It was a celebration of the first gay march on Washington D.C. held a year earlier to promote awareness of gay, bisexual, lesbian, and transgender rights and to celebrate who they are! It is a time to publicly display gay pride, and many choose this day to come out to their parents & peers; to personally accept their sexuality and disclose it.

I found this funny story while on the 'net the other day about one young man's announcement to his mother:

The day I came out...

... to my mother turned out to be the most terrifying and anti-climatic day of my life. Even though her and I are extremely close, I'd played the dramatic scenario of eternal rejection over and over in my head. I just knew once I told her, it was going to be the last conversation her and I would ever have. But it was important for me to share that new and exciting part of my life. I decided the night before Thanksgiving would be the day. I was freshly 18 and figured she wouldn't dare cause a scene on the eve of a large family gathering. In my head it was the biggest gamble I would ever take.

So, while baking a cake (go figure) I concocted this brilliant plan of bringing up very emotional family memories in an effort to soften the blow. I brought up things that made us both cry regularly, usually during an episode of Matlock and the weekly pedicure I gave her. I saw her eyes start to water. Now was my chance. I put the mixing bowl down, washed the mud mask off my face and led into the announcement.

"Mom, if I tell you something will you promise not to reject me?"







"Sure..." she muttered while clicking the remote.






"Are you sure you won't throw me on the street and stop loving me?"






"Uh huh..." She managed to utter while fanning her freshly painted nails.






After a grueling 10 minutes of her obvious lack of interest and my continual tears, I stated my purpose:
 
"Mom... I'm gay!"
 
 
There was silence. My stomach dropped and my heart felt a thousand pounds. She waited until Matlock made his closing argument and looked at me emotionless and said, "Honey, I've known that for years! Now come give your mom a kiss and hand me that nail file over there." Little did I know that her best friend was a lesbian and blew my cover a long time ago. My drama filled announcement was little more than confirmation of the fact. (Posted at: http://gaylife.about.com/od/comingout/a/nationalcoming.htm)
 
Aww...I like happy endings. Seriously though, if you are reading this and are feeling leery of coming out because of what people may think, know this: you need to be honest with yourself to begin loving yourself. Only then will you find someone that truly loves you. The REAL you. Everyone is going to have their own opinion. But for every person that doesn't support you, there's 20 more that do.
 
And if you're still having second doubts, here is a link to an interesting campaign HRC (Human Rights Campaign) is doing for National Coming Out Day. It's called Conversations From the Heart, a series of videos encouraging open dialouge about homosexuality amongst families, friends, and peers. I think you'll find it interesting: http://bit.ly/35prYw
 
Wishing you a Happy Coming Out Day! Be blessed!

Project Nefertiti Asks: What Do YOU Know About HIV?

Hello Beauties!

I recently talked to four women to get their perspective on HIV and how they think others in their peer group are dealing with it. I was surprised by some of the answers I got. But first, let me give you some of my history...

I think I was maybe 8 when I first saw the Ryan White story on Lifetime with my mom. If you don't know, Ryan White was a 13 year old hemopheliac who contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion before they started testing blood for the disease. He died from complications of the disease when he was 18 years old. I remember being terrified as I watched how people treated him. He was treated like a leper from the time people found out, and even people from his church shunned him from fear that they would contract the disease from a simple hand shake. I was sad for him, and terrified that someone so young could have such a deadly disease that no one could cure. Of course there was the announcement that Magic Johnson had the disease, but I think watching him on tv and seeing how healthy he looked at the time of the announcement and throughout the years, it didn't really connect with me. Years later, in junior high, we were taught what the disease was in health class textbooks, but sex education focused on teen pregnancy. After that, I didn't really hear anything about HIV personally until the summer before my senior year in high school. I had just moved to Jacksonville, FL from Washington State and was taking a health class during summer school (my school in Washington would let you substitute PE for health class, but my new school required it). Again, we went over the information in a text book manner, but the focus was more on other types of STD's. And that's it. Never once was I taught about what HIV was. I was never taught the difference between HIV/AIDS. I didn't even know the was the letters stood for until the year after when I attended college. Being the curious person I am, I looked it up and educated myself on the diseases.

So I wondered: If, in my day and age, we weren't taught or prepared for HIV, who else was falling through the cracks?

The first person I wanted to ask was my youngest sister. She recently turned 14 and is in her first year at the same high school I graduated from. I asked her, did she have a health class that taught her about HIV/AIDS? Did she even know what those words meant? She told me that she had a health class in the 7th grade and that the school didn't offer one for freshman, only for juniors and seniors. She seemed a bit confused about the HIV/AIDS question, so I had my answer right there.

Secondly, I asked a young woman who is 21 years old and identifies herself as a lesbian. "HIV is not talked about in the lesbian community at all," She stated. "The general consensus among local lesbians is that they can't get it because they don't sleep with men." She does have a large group of gay male friends, and the subject is brought up frequently. "We do ask who has been tested and who hasn't," She said, "And we encourage each other to go." HIV was not really talked about in classrooms when she was in school. If they wanted to talk about the subject, they did amongst themselves.

The third woman I talked to is 34 years old, single, and straight. When asked if HIV was talked about while she was in school she replied yes. "I was in school when the epidemic first started," She said, "But it was the early '90's so there still wasn't a whole lot that was known about the disease." So what is the general attitude towards HIV/AIDS in your age group, I asked? "People in my age group pretty much get tested once a year, or more if they are running around having unprotected sex all willy nilly. In my opinion, there is no reason why we shouldn't be informed unless we are living under a rock. There is too much information out there for you to study, whether it be online, in books, or when you have a doctors visit."

Lastly, I spoke to a 47 year old, married woman. Because she graduated from high school in 1980 and the first recorded AIDS diagnosis was in 1981, I was anxious to hear what she thought. She'd heard about HIV before, but really the reality of HIV didn't hit her until the early to mid '90's, when Magic Johnson announced his diagnosis to the world. That is one of the first things she thinks about when she hears about HIV: Magic Johnson and death. "I don't think people my age really believe in the disease," She said, "They don't think it could happen to them." Why is that? "I don't know about anybody else, but when I think of people who have HIV, I think about people in Africa." I also asked her if her church  provided classes about HIV and safe sex since there would  be a lot of women of all ages that could benefit. Representatives from the county health department do and come in and do presentations. But is it enough? And are these classes reaching the right people?


After talking to these women, here are my thoughts:

One, we are missing the oppourtunity to teach our young men and women about the consequences of risky sexual behavoir BEFORE they start engaging in it. By the time these kids are in their junior or senior year of high school, it may be too late. Girls are being diagnosed at 13 years old now. Personally, I think that we need start educating a little earlier, and we need to focus more on HIV/AIDS. Just telling young people that they could get it is not enough. There are worse things than becoming a teen mother.

Secondly, there needs to be more information targeted specifically to the lesbian community. While lesbian women have a low risk of contracting HIV, there is still a chance. What if the person you are with engaged in unprotected sex with an infected male before you met? Remember, HIV is not the only incurable STD.


"People in my age group pretty much get tested once a year, or more if they are running around having unprotected sex all willy nilly.''

Ladies...it's great that you are taking responsibility for your actions and going to get tested. It really is. However, if you would practice safe sex, you wouldn't have as much to worry about. More HIV tests do not = safety. If you really want to have sex and don't have any condoms, go to the clinic and stock up on the free ones and while you're there, talk to a health care professional. Knowledge, and the application of that knowledge is power. Empower yourselves ladies. We were not made to be statistics. Let's challenge ourselves to do better because we are better. And if you are already affected, empower others. Love your daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, aunties, ALL women,  and encourage them to be better. Be Blessed, everyone!

Please Forgive Me Guys...!

But I COMPLETELY forgot that September 27th was National Gay Men's HIV/AIDS Awareness day and I TOLD myself I was going to post because I heart the gays. I really do. They're the best and they have great taste in shoes. Me + gay men+ shoes = bliss for all parties involved. But I digress which I always do when the topic of shoes come up. Anyways, here is some information about this day:

The very first National Gay Men's HIV/AIDS Awareness day was September 27th, 2008. NGMHAAD (what an acronym!) was designed to refocus attention on a community that has been affected by the HIV epidemic in both the U.S. and internationally. Since the disease was first recoginzed in the early '80's, more than 487,000 gay and bixexual men have been diagnosed in the United States.

Despite the statistics, the gay community took responsibility for understanding the science of HIV/AIDS and has never wavered in it's courageous advocacy for HIV/AIDS education, prevention, and treatment (YEA!!) "By educating themselves about HIV/AIDS and arguing cogently for improvements to the status quo, gay activists gained a seat at the table to design HIV/AIDS studies. In so doing, they created a new model for the relationship between patients suffering from serious diseases and scientists developing and testing ways to better detect, treat, and prevent these diseases." (Anthony S. Fauci, M.D. www3.niaid.nih.gov/news/newsreleases/2009/GayMenHIVAwarenessDay.htm)

I think the rest of the world can really take something from the way gay men are fighting this disease. No, HIV/AIDS is not a "gay disease" however they are doing their part to make sure their community is educated and protected.

My own experience with this: I live in Jacksonville, FL and have gone to gay clubs many times with friends. Even though I've seen some crazy things happen, there is ALWAYS information about HIV/AIDS, ALWAYS information about where you can be tested, and ALWAYS condoms available. "Straight" clubs in Jacksonville, FL? There is ALWAYS a flyer about what's going on at the next club night. *blank stare*


So, Project Nefertiti is taking this time today (and everyday) to honor those gay men who continue to make an effort towards educating others and those who have lost their life to the disease. I hope that their spirit of love and family is passed on to all, and that in the future, everyone can come together to make an even bigger impact on our world. I love you all and be blessed!



sources: www3.niad.nih.gov/news/newsreleases/2009/GayMenHIVAwarenessDay.htm; www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/msm/index.htm

A Relaxing Evening With Nefertiti

Hello Beauties!

How do you relax after a long day or week? A glass of sparkling cider and classical music? Family night in? Or an evening out with friends?

My personal favorite is a relaxing, candle lit bubble bath and a good book. *Swoon* There's almost nothing better in my opinion. But you can't just hop in a tub of luke warm water with the first book you touch. Details are KEY here ladies. So, I'm going to give you some suggestions on good books, "ahh" worthy bubble baths', and candles sure to please even the most picky among you.

But, I didn't wanna just list random books, candles and bubble baths. So, I complied information about each astrological sign and based my recommendations off of that. **Disclaimer**: I am not a scientist, astrologist, or Ms. Cleo. So if the suggestions don't match up with your sign, please don't sue me. Plus, my pockets got more tumbleweeds than southern Texas. **End Disclaimer**

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th)

Traits of a Capricorn: Practical, prudent, ambitous, disciplined, patient, careful, humorous, and reserved.

Book Suggestion: The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life As An Experiment by A.J. Parker (Amazon)

Candle Suggestion: Autumn Leaves scented candle. Scented with pomegranate, juniper berry, and orange blossom. (Yankee Candle)

Bubble Bath: Honeysuckle Belle bubble bath (Bath & Body Works)

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th)

Traits of an Aquarius: Friendly, humanitarian, honest, loyal, original, inventive, independent, and intellectual.

Book Suggestion: Stone Cold by Dave Baldacci (Amazon)

Candle Suggestion: Tiger Lily scented soy candle (http://www.indahlilin.com/)

Bubble Bath: Beaming Baby Organic Bubble Bath (http://www.biggreensmile.com/)

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th)

Traits of a Pisces: Imaginative, sensitive, compassionate, kind, selfless, unworldly, intuitive, and sympathetic.

Book Suggestion: Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella (Amazon) **Bloggers note: Yass!**

Candle Suggestion: Lilac scented candle (http://www.trulyscentedcandle.com/)

Bubble Bath: Philosophy Carmel Apple bubble bath (http://www.sephora.com/)

Aries (March 21st-April 19th)

Traits of an Aries: Adventurous, entergetic, pioneering, courageous, enthusiastic, confident, dynamic, and quick-witted. **Bloggers note: Why y'all get all the good traits? Hmph.**

Book suggestion: Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell (Borders) (One of my FAV authors)

Candle Suggestion: Green Apple scented candle (http://www.shortiescandles.com/)

Bubble Bath: Philosophy Mimosa bubble bath (http://www.sephora.com/)

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th)

Traits of a Taurus: Patient, reliable, warm-hearted, loving, persistent, determined, placcid, and security loving.

Book Suggestion: Storm of Shadows by Christina Dodd (Borders)

Candle Suggestion: Fresh Cut Roses (Yankee Candle)

Bubble Bath: Philosophy Inner Grace bubble bath (http://www.sephora.com/)

Gemini (May 21st-June 21st)

Traits of a Gemini: Adaptable, versitile, communicative, witty, intellectual, eloquent, youthful, and lively.

Book Suggestion: The Anthologist by Nicholson Baker (Barnes and Noble)

Candle Suggestion: Archipelago Azalea & Violet soy candle (http://www.beautyencounter.com/)

Bubble Bath: Thymes Red Cherie liquid foaming bubble bath (Bath and Body Works) **Bloggers note: *Swoon again*

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)

Traits of a Cancer: Emotional, loving, intuitive, imaginative, shrewd, cautious, protective, and sympathetic.

Book Suggestion: Southern Lights by Danielle Steel (Barners and Noble)

Candle Suggestion: Aromatherapy Sensuality candle (Bath and Body Works)

Bubble Bath: Thymes Naia liquid foaming bubble bath (Bath and Body Works)

Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd)

Traits of a Leo: Generous, shy, warm-hearted, creative, enthusiastic, broad-minded, expansive, faithful, and loving.

Book Suggestion: The Artist by Barry Arbiloff (Barnes and Noble)

Candle Suggestion: Sea Island Cotton (Bath and Body Works)

Bubble Bath: Warm Vanilla Sugar bubble bath (Bath and Body Works)

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd)

Traits of a Virgo: Modest, shy, meticulous, relliable, practical, dilligent, intelligent, and analytical and we the best. No Kahlid.

Book Suggestion: American Tabloid by James Ellroy (Borders)

Candle Suggestion: Willow Breeze (Yankee Candle)

Bubble Bath: Nars skincare bubble bath (http://www.sephora.com/)

Libra (September 23rd-October 23rd)

Traits of a Libra: Diplomatic, urbane, romantic, charming, easy going, sociable, idealistic, and peacable.

Book Suggestion: Windfall: Impulse/Temptation by Norah Roberts (Books-a-Million)

Candle Suggestion: Delirium & Co. Pear & Violet candle (http://www.candledelirium.com/)

Bubble Bath: Rose Petals bubble bath by Lander (http://www.walmart.com/)

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21st)

Traits of a Scorpio: Determined, forceful, emotional, intuitive, powerful, passionate, exciting, and magnetic.

Book Suggestion: 1st to Die (Womens Murder Club #1) by James Patterson (Barnes and Noble)

Candle Suggestion: Pomegranate Fruit candle (Yankee Candle)

Bubble Bath: Natural Selection Organic Bubble Bath in Gardenia (Amazon)

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st)

Traits of a Sagittarius: Optimistic, freedom-loving, jovial, good-humored, honest, straightforward, intellectual, and philosophical.

Book Suggestion: This I Believe by various contributers (Barnes and Noble)

Candle Suggestion: Relax Lavender & Ylang-Ylang & Geranium candle (Yankee Candle)

Bubble Bath: Philosophy Falling in Love bubble bath (http://www.sephora.com/)

Whew! So those are my suggestions. I'm sure you have many more of your own. Feel free to share! I know I feel like loading up on candles and bubble bath now. Love you all...Be Blessed!

What We're Buzzing About: HIV on Twitter

Hello beauties!

Today on twitter (follow @projnefertiti) HIV was a trending topic. If you’re not familiar with Twitter, a trending topic is a subject that is being talked about a lot at that particular time. Most of the time, it’s whatever is on TV at the time or something foolish (see: #chrisbrownsbowtie. Craziness). So I for one was really pleased to see people talking about this subject. The discussion that my friends were having was awesome (cuz I have, like, awesome friends & stuff. *twirls hair*) I wanted to bring some of the questions/statements to YOU to see what you thought about it.

“HIV is not a death sentence”

HIV is nowhere near the death sentence it used to be. When HIV/AIDS first made its emergence into the public eye back in the early ‘80’s, people were being misdiagnosed because doctors did not know what they were dealing with. Because of that, mortality rates were high. From then, mortality rates rose steadily through the ’80's, peaking in ‘94-’95. Since then, the death rate has declined by more than 70%, due to therapy, research and development, and safer sexual practices. However, it is not to be taken lightly, which brings me to the next statement:

“HIV is overrated”

First of all this statement doesn’t make since to me (O_o). But let’s look at this from the point of view of someone that hasn’t personally experienced the affects of the disease. We don’t really know of any public figures that have the disease besides Magic Johnson. He was diagnosed, what, some 20 years ago? And he seems fine right?

True, research has provided more options for the person affected thru drugs and therapy. However, I think that generally people fail to understand this fact: there is NO cure for this disease. Did you hear what I said Deena? NO cure. That means a gradually weakening immune system. That means, if you don’t have kids, It’s going to be difficult to have them naturally. That could potentially mean taking pills by the handful for the rest of your life. To say nothing of the psychological effects, and the effects it will have on your family, friends, and peers. We have NO idea what Magic Johnson has to go through on a daily basis. Each person that is diagnosed will have their own struggles to deal with.

True, research has provided more options for the person affected thru drugs and therapy. However, I think that generally people fail to understand this fact: there is NO cure for this disease. Did you hear what I said Deena? NO cure. That means a gradually weakening immune system. That means, if you don’t have kids, It’s going to be difficult to have them naturally. That could potentially mean taking pills by the handful for the rest of your life. To say nothing of the psychological effects, and the effects it will have on your family, friends, and peers. We have NO idea what Magic Johnson has to go through on a daily basis. Each person that is diagnosed will have their own struggles to deal with.

True, research has provided more options for the person affected thru drugs and therapy. However, I think that generally people fail to understand this fact: there is NO cure for this disease. Did you hear what I said Deena? NO cure. That means a gradually weakening immune system. That means, if you don’t have kids, It’s going to be difficult to have them naturally. That could potentially mean taking pills by the handful for the rest of your life. To say nothing of the psychological effects, and the effects it will have on your family, friends, and peers. We have NO idea what Magic Johnson has to go through on a daily basis. Each person that is diagnosed will have their own struggles to deal with.

Still think it’s overrated? Do your research.

The big question of the day however was asked by the guys over at the Red Tie Project (www.theredtieproject.com, @RedTieProj on Twitter):

“Would you date someone who was HIV positive?”

From what I could see, a lot of women were VERY leery about dating a HIV positive partner. I didn’t get a whole lot of male perspective (I wish I had), but the main concern for the women was being able to have children with this person. There was also a few women who felt that dating was fine (as dating does not automatically = sex), and that if it came time to have that conversation or if both parties wanted to become intimate, they would have to 1) have a very serious conversation about the risks, and 2) be sure to be very, very careful.

It’s important to be careful with ANY person you are with, HIV positive or not. (Sidebar, here are some tips for living with a HIV positive partner: http://bit.ly/1HegKV). If you are considering being intimate with any person, you should have a conversation about safe sex, and DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK ANYONE ABOUT THEIR STATUS. It’s your right. Did I mention practice safe sex? It only takes one slip up to change your life forever.

So, don’t be a geek, wrap your meat. Ladies, tell that man no glove, no love. Eat your veggies, and all that good stuff.  Most of all, be happy!

Until next time, Be Blessed!

...Coming up soon: Project Nefertiti's take on dating sites for positive peep, 5 tips for a relaxing evening, and much more!

Sources: http://www.condomman.com/articles/safe-sex/life-with-an-hiv-positive-partner/; http://www.kff.org/hivaids/upload/3029-071.pdf

Mind Touch: The Meeting of the Physical and the Mental

Hello Beauties!

Today, I want to let you in on a little secret. Can I trust you? I mean, I have a certain reputation to uphold, and if this should get out, well, I don't know what would happen to my credibility. Are you ready? *clutching at my pearls* I LIKE HUGS. Shh...don't tell anyone. For me, a hug is a way to make another person feel comforted, and through that physical touch I myself am comforted.




Being the nerd I am, I wanted to know what happens in the brain that triggers these feelings of comfort. Despite my uber nerdiness, I'm not going to big word y'all to death because I don't know what the words mean I don't want to bore you to death. But here's what I found out:




As we all know (I hope O_0), touch is one of the five ways the brain receives stimulating information. When you are touched, the brain releases serotonin (a chemical in the brain that transmits messages between brain cells). Low levels of serotonin has shown to cause depression, anxiety, and violent behavior. This goes to show that your mental health is just as important as your physical health.



To touch, or to be touched is to be "known" and is thought to be the greatest expression of love and trust that two beings can exhibit towards one another. If you're being hugged by someone you care for, or someone that you truly care for, your brain is releasing "feel good" chemical messages to your whole body. (That's if it's someone you care for. If it's a random person, feel free to kick them in the shin).



With that said, I think this week everyone should hug someone/thing (teddy bears are nice to hug too :-D) at least once. A hug can improve your whole day, start it off on the right foot, or help to end it with a smile. Don't be afraid! Hug someone...it's good for you. :) Or, just touch something...soft, smooth, squishy...whatever brings you pleasure and gets that serotonin moving.


Take care...and be BLESSED!








Sources:

http://www.wizardrealm.com/Galadriel/7senses.html
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_contact
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/health/a-hug-a-day-keeps-the-doctor-away/2007/07/31/1185647872383.html

Lets Talk

Hello beauties! Have you ever had trouble explaining your situation to someone that you care for? Check out these great guidelines from health.com:



1. Practice what to sayBefore you drop a bomb on a potential mate, rehearse your speech with a trusted friend or visit a therapist to talk it through, suggests Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison.
“It’s good to have somebody as a sounding board in a situation like this,” he says. “How you handle this is not something your partner is likely to forget.”
Laurie Davis, an online dating expert based in New York and Boston, suggests asking a friend what sounds most intimidating about your condition and getting his or her advice on how to smooth it over. Getting a second opinion can help you decide how much to say (and when and where to say it), and running through your script a few times can make you more comfortable sharing your story.
“You don’t want to overwhelm your partner but you want to be sure to give him or her all of the important facts,” Davis says. “You should definitely practice before you tell your match, or you’ll most likely fumble through the conversation uncomfortably.”
Mark Snyder, a 32-year-old writer from New York City, used to dread telling a new boyfriend that he was a recovering alcoholic. “I don’t think I was ever able to shake off the feeling I was springing the information on him, usually when we were either out to dinner and he wanted to order a bottle of wine, or at a party where alcohol was introduced,” he says. “I often blurted out, ‘Oh, I don’t drink. Sorry.’”
That changed, however, as he got used to talking about his condition. “As time went on, and I got more comfortable with this side of my life, so did the ease with which I told a man not to expect a tequila-scented smooch at the end of the night,” he says. “I realize my blurting-it-out style was my own insecurities about sobriety. I celebrate it now.”

2. Never tell on a first date“Never tell someone on a first date,” Davis says. “The results will never be favorable.”
Dr. Robbins seconds that, especially if you’re worried that your health secret “is likely to define you before the person has gotten a chance to know you at all.”
That doesn’t mean you should lie—just let your partner get to know you first. “[Revealing too much too soon] may color how your partner sees you,” Dr. Robbins says. “It defines you before you’re ready to be defined.”
Jenny*, a 25-year-old graduate student from New York, had a breast augmentation when she was 19. “I don’t really bring it up, not when I’m first dating people,” she says. “But I’ve had people ask and I’m always honest with them. I wouldn’t see a reason to keep it a secret, especially if we’re getting serious.”
If you’re worried that your health secret might be a deal-breaker, you’ll want to ‘fess up by the fourth date, says Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, a New York City therapist and relationship expert. That way, if your secret does make a big difference, you won’t have wasted too much of their time—or yours.
“Of course it can be painful, but if that’s the case, it’s better to know before you get too involved,” Sussman says. “It’s complicated if you withhold it and they find out too late. Dishonesty can ruin a potentially good relationship.”
Jill*, the 33-year-old from New York City, is currently in a long-distance relationship. However, she hasn’t told him about her bipolar disorder—yet.
“Too much too soon is not a good thing…. [But] I truly believe when you share a life with someone, you need to be in it together,” she says. “Men go bald; women gain weight after pregnancy. It’s not all roses and Champagne.”

3. Be casual yet confidentSo exactly how does one reveal a secret without just blurting it out? “It’s hard not to kill the mood with your health secret, because it’s probably not something that can be easily segued from a topic you would normally discuss,” Davis says. She recommends a conversation bridge, such as, “I feel like we’re heading in a great direction, so I wanted to tell you something.”
Just don’t overdo it: “You don’t want to frame this in a way that ends up making a bigger deal of something you don’t want made into a big deal,” Dr. Robbins says. In other words, make your delivery as drama free as possible.
Allison*, a 30-year-old marketer from Baltimore, tries to casually tell dates about her multiple sclerosis (MS).
“Usually I’ll work it into another aspect of our conversation,” she says. “It’s a lot easier to tell someone I have MS as a side note in a conversation than to sit down and have a formal discussion focused solely on MS.”
However, even a casual, well-prepared speech doesn’t always meet with success.
“One guy just clammed up and didn’t want to say anything or go anywhere because, in his eyes, I might get hurt,” Allison* says. “And another guy became very controlling and tried to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing for my health. Um, you’re not my doctor, dude.”
Allison’s dates probably have their heart in the right place. “They’re trying to be helpful because they care about her,” Dr. Robbins says. He suggests that she have a confident, straightforward response about how she would like them to react; something like: “I don’t see this as something that defines me—but if I need help, please leave it to me to ask.”

4. Don’t have this conversation in bed—or anyplace you associate with intimacyAlthough this is a good guideline to follow when dealing with all types of relationship secrets, there’s only one instance in which it is a hard-and-fast rule, Sussman says: “Don’t wait until you’re naked in bed with someone to tell them you have an STD.”
That’s true for any condition, Davis adds. But Dr. Robbins notes that if your health secret is a sexually transmitted disease (STD), you’re going to have to open up to someone sooner rather than later.
“If it’s something that’s going to have a direct effect on your partner, it’s something you’re going to want to talk about sooner, as opposed to an illness that isn’t contagious,” Dr. Robbins says. “If it’s something like hepatitis C, you really do have to talk about that very early.”
Amy, a 29-year-old graphic artist from Chicago, jokes that hepatitis C is the only thing she has in common with Pamela Anderson. But she’s serious when it comes to telling boyfriends about her illness, which she got through a blood transfusion at birth.
“There is less than a 3% chance of transmission within a monogamous relationship, but I’ve always been truthful and upfront about it, whether I ended up in a sexual relationship with someone or not,” she says. “They have a right to know.”
An ideal place to tell someone about your health secret—whether it’s a communicable disease or any other condition—is a park, Davis says. Just make sure there’s no one within earshot.
“Do not tell your partner during intimacy. Telling your partner your health secret means you are opening up to them, trusting them, and becoming more vulnerable,” she says. “The place you choose to tell them should reflect this.”

5. Seek out relationships onlineIf you tend to meet potential partners through online networks such as Facebook or Match.com, you shouldn’t hint in your profile that you’re concealing a health secret. However, if you’re nervous about rejection or misunderstandings, you might be more comfortable dating someone with similar health issues.
There are many niche sites that cater to people with specific conditions, and they’re a great way to be up-front with potential mates who are in the same boat, Davis says.
Daters with STDs can check out STDFriends.com or PositiveSingles.com, while Whispers4u.com is a great site for people with disabilities, according to Davis. NoLongerLonely.com helps those with mental illness seek partners. “[However,] you should discuss the volatility of your specific condition with your doctor before signing up,” Davis says.

6. Know when to give your partner spaceEven if you do your best to deliver a snag-free speech, it’s possible that there could be an awkward moment. “[If that happens], say, ‘I can tell by your expression that this is a lot to digest and I completely understand, and I’ll give you the time and space to do that,’” Sussman says.
Then, offer some physical distance but stay in contact, Davis says. “Give them the following day to breathe and think,” she suggests. “Call them on the third day if they haven’t reached out to you. Let them know that they are still on your mind and you can’t wait to see them again.”

7. Don’t take rejection personally“A good person will listen and be kind and not judge, but if [your health secret is] something they can’t live with, that doesn’t make them a bad person,” says Sussman. “It just makes them a bad match.”
And there can be multiple reasons for a rejection—many of which have nothing to do with you at all. “If your mother was an alcoholic and you date someone who’s an alcoholic, you might have to make a choice that it’s not healthy to be involved with someone in recovery,” Sussman says.
Besides, your perfect match will accept you no matter what, Davis says: “If things were going well up until the time you told them, keep in mind that they rejected your health condition, not you. At the end of the day, it means that they were not the one.”

8. Accept supportTiffany Sanchez Conover, 28, a store manager from northern Indiana, settled into a deep depression after her grandmother died. She slept all day, stopped eating, and became socially withdrawn—even with her husband. Still, she kept her depression hidden, because she wanted to “figure it out on my own.”
“[Eventually] I felt like I had to tell him because I could feel the strain it was placing on our relationship,” she says. “A person can only take so much of their spouse not wanting anything to do with them before they start assuming the worst, an affair.”
Tiffany’s husband was hurt that she hadn’t told him earlier, but he was glad she finally confessed. “After I told him, he was as supportive as could be,” she says. “He would stay up late to talk with me just so I wouldn’t feel lonely late at night, even though I’m sure he really wanted to go to bed.”
It’s especially important for married couples to be open to avoid hiccups in the relationship, Sussman says. “In healthy marriages, people lean on each other and are honest with each other,” she explains. “You can never lose by being honest.”
Tiffany knows that now: She and her husband recently went through a series of failed fertility treatments after finding out she likely cannot have children on her own. “I probably share too much now,” she says, laughing. “But it works for us. If I didn’t tell my husband how I felt about it all every day, I probably would end up depressed again.”
A counselor also helped Tiffany to get through the initial rough patch. Therapy and support groups—whether online or in person—are excellent options, according to Sussman. “Name the illness and there’s a support group,” she says. “If you go to your supportive community, you’ll hear stories of how people have handled these things in the past.”



Be blessed! God loves you and so do we!

Welcome!

Nefertiti: "The beautiful one has arrived."



Hello to all of my sisters out there and welcome to Project Nefertiti! The purpose of this site is to help battle depression and elevate self worth and self confidence among women and children living with HIV/AIDS as well as the caretakers of those living with the disease. We hope that you will kick off your shoes and stay a while! Please be patient with us as we continue to build the site and add information and stay tuned for the events that we will be hosting in partnership with the Red Pump Project! (Check them out @ www.theredpumpproject.com). Remember, you are beautiful! God loves you and so do we!